apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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