my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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