I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
