I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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