I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
