We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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