I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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