apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
