i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm too high and old for this...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
