I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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