Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
