1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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