dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
