I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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