if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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