I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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