worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
