every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
