Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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