i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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