I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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