dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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