You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
