I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
