Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
