I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
