Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
