hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
