you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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