Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
time to smoke my breakfast
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Randomize
