And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A bitchslap is in order.
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