Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dick very happy bro
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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