I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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