...so i touched it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
