All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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