I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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