HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
