we're blogging at a bar
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
