Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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