I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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