i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
