Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
