why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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