I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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