you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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