I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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