I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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