Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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