Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
