She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
